Tuesday, 27 September 2011

I'm the psychotic atheist

Hello there, I'm the psychotic atheist!

I didn't choose this name to be provocative or to appear especially interesting.  I really am an atheist (who suffers from psychosis).  I have no idea if my input into the collective blogosphere will prove welcome or of interest to anyone other than me, but I figure I should just start writing and see where it takes me.

Of course, it needs to be disclaimed: I cannot know for sure that I am psychotic.  Two medical professionals and a social worker have come to that conclusion based on a series of interviews with me, and thus the evidence certainly supports the notion.  I can find correspondences with my symptoms and the symptoms of established psychotic disorders.  So I'm going to accept that it is true for the time being. 

Of course, it could (as sometimes I suspect) be a conspiracy to discredit me.  Unfortunately however, thinking such possibilities is exactly what a psychotic person would do.  The only thing that seems to set me apart from many other psychotics is that I am quite aware of many of my delusions (though there are probably some I am not aware of). 

Nevertheless, I have not been formally diagnosed yet. My doctor says they have no intention of diagnosing either.  Apparently its the new thing to treat the patient and not stigmatize them with labels or some hippy nonsense.  It kind of makes sense, but it means trying to explain my condition to others is very hard since 'psychosis' conjures up such negative stereotypes.  For the record: I'm magnitudes more likely to hurt myself than anyone else...and this is generally true of other of my fellow psychotics.

Furthermore, I'm an atheist. I reject religious beliefs entirely: I might be crazy, but I have limits!  When I became aware of my first psychotic episode, I realized I needed to instigate certain mental safeguards to prevent things from getting out of hand again.  No system is perfect, and it took a long time with lots of mistakes along the way, but I eventually settled on skepticism as the best defence against delusions.

This blog will be a place where I will try and throw my thoughts out there about the news of the day, mental health issues, and whatever else strikes my fancy.  I choose to remain anonymous for reasons that should hopefully be obvious.  That said, I get confused or have 'brain farts' more than the average person might so I may inadvertently leave a trail to my true identity.  Please respect my anonymity, and if you find such a trail please alert me to it so that I can remedy things.

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